A few weeks ago my friend Daniel visited me. We were merry far into the night, and at some point he said something that I asked him to write down. He took a slice of note paper and scrawled "Other People Need To See , What You SEE." If you were as fucked up as we were the grammar wouldn't seem so unorthodox. Daniel's thought stuck in my mind, and its little brother (What do I see?) stuck with me as well.

So what do I see? What is it that you need to see that I already see?

I see order and chaos as loving siblings. I see war as a necessary growing pain of humanity. I see an overcast April sky enfolding me and my love and a pair of dark-haired children in an extended game of sitting and chasing and throwing grass at each other. I see a desolate coastline where the wind gnaws at your fingers and the surf arrives in endlessly varied monotony. I see shades of directionless blue-grey twilight which I will not embarrass myself by attempting to describe. I see myself at the brink of understanding myself, but not quite there and therefore infinitely distant. Understanding is a binary thing. You may be able to feel it coming, but in the end you've either got it or you haven't. So it is possible to have advanced right to the edge and not to have advanced at all. I see my life as a failure, doomed to further failure. I see nothing but glory ahead. I see a past so intricate it merges into staring at the sun. I see shining webs of awareness, human beings who will be in my life until one or the other of us dies. I see all of us on a beach for my wedding feast. We eat lobsters, clams, ribs, corn on the cob. Pitchers of margaritas are drained and refilled, a keg of fine dark beer flows.

I see that I'm getting something out of the way at a relatively young age that would cause greater devastation twenty years from now. It would be nice to skip this altogether, but as long as it's going to happen I'd rather it happen now. Right now.
HA!


I see Kiki grow in wisdom and beauty each year.